6 tips for feeling happy

What is happiness anyway? Does it mean smiling all the time? Does it mean you’re always laughing and in a good mood? Does it mean we don’t explode at our spouse or kids or co-workers? Does it mean our tempers aren’t short? How can we experience true joy? 

I recently had the opportunity to listen to several women who are experiencing feelings of unexplained sadness, shortness of temper, anxiety, loss of compassion and even depression. The crazy thing is, almost every one of them felt as if they were the only ones feeling that way. That everyone else’s life was as happy as it looks on social media or how they exhibit themselves at work, the bus stop or PTA room.

Depression and anxiety are at an all-time high in our culture today and it seems to have no age boundaries. I’ve come to find out that teens today operate on a spectrum of angst. It’s not a matter of if teens will struggle with depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness and anger, but how much. How scary is that? It seems to hardly be better in adulthood, especially in the middle aged. As high as one in eight middle aged women have depression. It breaks my heart to find out how many people have such strong feelings of sadness.

Let me preface this by admitting I’ve never experienced true depression and by no means do I think I have found the key to happiness. Unfortunately, this side of heaven, there is likely no such thing. I can only share that I have experienced many periods of time when I just didn’t feel happy and what follows are some of the things I’ve found that have helped me.

If you can relate to feelings of sadness, then maybe it comes over you when you’re in the car running errands, driving to an appointment or just when you’re alone. Or perhaps you’ve had a great day and it comes to the afternoon and you’re awaiting the kids and hubby to come home, only to find yourself in a bad mood and a funk for no apparent reason. When I’ve experienced these feelings, I thought it was just me and how I was wired now in this phase of my life. The phase of having birthed 3 tiny humans, raising them into the child, tween and teen years, trying to keep up with all of their activities, birthday parties, and practices as well as be a good wife, work part-time, keep up with the house and 2 dogs and, drive kids and drive kids and drive kids and, and, and.

I loved my life and was “happy” but didn’t always feel happy. What was wrong with me? Well, it turns out nothing was wrong with me and it is extremely common to feel that way. Anyone with me? 

I actually had a conversation with my doctor about it just to double check that these feelings were normal, and he assured me they were. The one thing he suggested surprised me and is the first tip to feeling happy:

1. Meditation

Meditation? What in the world? I’m thinking…I’ve heard of people talking about “mindfulness” and felt like I should suddenly be sitting criss-cross applesauce in a green meadow saying “om” and chanting. However, my doctor went on to tell me all of the medical studies behind it. Without getting too technical, he was saying the parts of your brain associated with compassion and self-awareness expand and the parts associated with stress shrink. Research also shows that regular meditation can permanently re-wire the brain to raise levels of happiness!

It’s not easy because our brains are trained to wander and be constantly moving from one thought to the next but the whole premise is teaching you to be mindful and in the present moment and allow yourself to think of absolutely nothing.

Now, I’m the type of person who researches everything. Literally everything. I think I spent 3 days researching what kind of toaster I was going to buy. I really loved what I was finding out and decided to give it a try. You guys, it’s been amazing. I felt immediate benefits. I was more patient, kind, slow to speak and all around, just in a better mood. My favorite type of guided meditation has been about finding gratitude but really just any type of quieting the mind has immense benefits. Meditation is scientifically proven to relieve built up anxiety, quiet mental chatter, improve focus, and create self-esteem and feelings of confidence. It is something that needs to be practiced daily and the more you do it, the more you are able to quiet the mind and be in the present moment during meditation. I still stink at it as I find my mind going a mile a minute and have to reel it back in but the benefits have been amazing. My favorite apps I’ve found for this are Calm and Insight Timer.

There are other things I’ve researched and are things I was either already doing or have incorporated.

2. Practice Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is simply the practice of focusing on what we have instead of what we don’t have. It’s being thankful for all the things we are blessed with and finding joy in them. Said another way, it’s not sweating the small stuff and realizing life is too short to not be grateful. Even in tough situations that annoy us in our everyday life, remembering to practice gratitude can shift our minds from the negative to the positive.

Just last night I found myself frustrated that one of my kids had left their homework until the last minute on a Sunday night and they needed a lot of help with it. It was taking FOREVER but I reminded myself to find gratitude and was immediately able to just be thankful I have a child who is capable of doing homework, who is healthy and self-driven and all around a great kid. If the worst thing that happens on a Sunday night is that I have to help someone with their homework, then my life is pretty great.

3. Keep a Gratitude Journal

I think I first heard of this from the author Rachel Hollis. She talks about taking the practice of finding gratitude a step further with a gratitude journal where each morning she writes down things she is thankful for. A gratitude journal helps increase happiness when we express thankfulness. The idea is to take just a few minutes each morning jotting down things you are thankful for, which could be your family, friends, something that made you laugh the day before, etc. It’s also good to go back and revisit what you’ve written in the past and see how you’ve grown and how your perspective has changed. Through my research, I have found that people who express gratitude and who are goal-oriented tend to record higher happiness levels. So, including your goals for the day would also be an added benefit.

4. Exercise

You knew that was going to be one of them! While exercise has immense benefits in many physical ways, it also releases hormones and chemicals which are proven to lower stress, reduce both anxiety and depression and also boost your mood. While cardio and strength training are proven to be most beneficial, if you don’t enjoy it, then you won’t keep up with it. So, find something you enjoy and incorporate it into your life.

5. Identify triggers

I notice that my diet has a significant impact on my mood. In general, I make good choices in the food I choose to fuel my body. However, I’ve found that the aftermath of either poor nutrition or eating too much at one time puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the night. And it’s no ones fault but my own! If I can just put the fork down when I’m full instead of continuing to eat for taste or just continuing to graze while I sit there, then I’m much happier. Pay attention to what might be triggering your bad moods and work to change those habits.

6. Have a kitchen dance party!

Seriously, when was the last time you had a dance party in your kitchen (or bathroom or bedroom or anywhere) and afterwards you were in a bad mood? Find your jam, pump up the volume and go for it! Let me know your favorite song to jam to!

Anyone willing to try any of these? Let me know how it goes!