What kids need most during hard times

We find ourselves in a very unique time. Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and I would venture to say unlike anything most of you have experienced in your lifetime. Right now, the Coronavirus situation is escalating and quickly. News reports are saying these are going to be the worst two weeks yet. You can’t find toilet paper anywhere; grocery shelves continue to be empty of certain items and stores are starting to implement additional restrictions like a limited number of shoppers per square feet. Unfortunately, it feels like it might get worse before it gets better. Schools in our state are closed at least until May 1 and most people are feeling like kids will not return to school for the remainder of the 2019-2020 school year. People are navigating working from home all the while trying to homeschool their children or even more challenging, care for babies, toddlers and preschoolers.

I certainly don’t envy those with little kids. Being in fourth, seventh and ninth grades, my kids are fairly self-sufficient when it comes to home schoolwork. My heart goes out to those with little ones needing constant supervision, distraction, play-time, food and entertainment. Oh right, and you’re supposed to be doing all that while working a full-time job (if you are lucky enough to still have a job).

As we finish out the fourth week of being off school and potentially settle in for the long haul, I’m learning what kids seem to need most during these times. Or should I say, what MY kids need most and what I’ve seen and heard from many others during these uncertain times.

A Loose Routine:

I don’t think it’s any secret that kids thrive on routine. This seems to be obvious and most important from the time they are born but even still just as important when they are toddlers, into elementary school and beyond. Kids like to know what to expect, when to expect it and know what is required of them. Without aim or direction, an empty life is unstable, and we are already in unstable times. Doing school from home certainly helps fill the days but I also know school assignments and the amount of time required to work are differing significantly.

Having said that, I think a loose routine is good enough because we have a unique opportunity now for our kids to be widening their minds in what they chose to do with the lack of required attendance at school and activities. I absolutely loved this article called “Coronavirus is providing the course correction kids desperately need”. Basically, the position is with extra free time and less direction, kids are now able to open their minds and do so much more on their own. It could actually be reducing the anxiety epidemic and promoting stronger executive functioning skills. So have a routine, but make sure some sort of non-directed, non-screen time is part of it.

For us, it’s a struggle to keep my kids off screens for non-educational purposes. It’s like a magnet drawing their malleable brains in so they can subsequently be turned to mush. With so much technology now and many students on screens most of the day for home school, the whole “no more than 2 hours of screen time a day” is literally impossible. Create a list of things to be accomplished each day before they are able to get on a screen. But more importantly, let them experience boredom! It’s something most kids these days have never truly had to experience and while it will take some time to settle into it, the alternative of a limitless amount of screen time is only going to fuel the fire of anxiety. Yes, they will complain and whine and act like they are dying until they succumb and actually start to use their imagination.

Of course, after a while, you might just be handed a precious note like this:

Limited exposure to information:

Is the TV running non-stop? Are kids able to hear all the news all the time? Even if it’s on in the background or on the tiny TV in the kitchen where you think they aren’t hearing or paying attention, please know…they hear everything! Even if they don’t seem to be paying attention, it’s called incidental listening where kids still hear things going on around them even if they aren’t totally “tuned in”.

While older kids can certainly handle all of the bad news better than the wee young ones, they still don’t need to be hammered with the news constantly. It wears on them just like it wears on us and while we don’t want to put our heads in the sand, we also want to keep some semblance of positivity in our house so limiting the amount of information kids hear helps with that. There are plenty of ways to keep up with the news (e.g. I get headline updates on my phone from the news apps I have downloaded) so I feel like I’m constantly being informed of what is going on without having the TV on.

It’s also important to talk about the severity of what is happening, what others are struggling with and how we might be able to support and pray for them. This instills sympathy, a heart for others and compassion.

Explanation and conversation:

Kids need to be able to talk about what is going on and express their feelings. While we don’t want to bombard them with news all the time, we also can’t dismiss or pretend all of this isn’t happening. Kids feel it and things just keep getting worse. First, no school, then social distancing, then staying at home all the time.

We are going on a lot of walks now and I’m trying to find time to spend one-on-one time with each of the kids to check in on them, see how they are feeling and just let them talk. There’s something about being either side-by-side, like on a walk, or laying down at night with the lights dimmed where kids tend to talk the most. It happens more naturally for them than sitting face to face for some reason. I was able to go on two separate walks yesterday with my older two kiddos and they talked my ear off. They each shared with me some things they were bummed about and that gave us the opportunity to think of things we could be thankful for and discuss how many things we used to take for granted. So many people are out of a job right now, or they are sick, or they actually have Coronavirus. So many people are experiencing such anxiety over this situation that it is practically suffocating them.

Make sure kids have an opportunity to express their feelings. Feelings are real, no matter if they are frustration, happiness, sadness, confusion, anxiety, etc. Getting those feelings out and talking about them is so therapeutic and even if your kids seem to be happy-go-lucky right now, don’t hesitate to check in with them and have some conversations. I saw a great idea where you can create a family “Name It and Claim It” sign. You literally write down things to be thankful for right now and also things that are hard and saddening and stressful. It creates perspective and recognition and once things are written down, it feels easier to forget about the harder stuff or at the least not concentrate on it so much. Perhaps that would be an opportunity to spark some conversations for those kiddos that don’t like to express their feelings as much.

Another idea is to have them journal during this time to capture their thoughts and emotions. It can even be a positive thing where it’s more of a scrapbook to document the creative ways they are spending their days, what they are doing to stay busy and something different each day holds. Be sure to include a high point and low point of their day or week!

Opportunities for socialization:

It feels like kids (and adults alike) are handling this situation of no (in-person) school, social distancing and staying at home in one of two ways. They are happy as a clam and were already happy being “social distancers” or they are crashing and burning with the absence of friends and their social life. Granted, some are definitely in between, and I think us extroverted introverts out there will start feeling a little crash and burn ourselves after a while, but most people seem to fall in one of those two camps. Figure out which camp your kids fall into and if they are social butterflies, make sure to find creative ways to help them stay connected with friends and family.

This could look different depending on the age of your kids and what individual parents are comfortable with, but here are some ideas:

FaceTime or Zoom with friends and family
Have a virtual sleepover via Zoom
Go on a bike ride at a safe social distance
Go on a walk 6 feet apart
Sit in the driveway or backyard on your own chairs or blankets 6-10 feet apart
Do something nice for a friend to help you stay connected (send them a card or nice text)
Do a random act of kindness for a friend
Reach out and text friends to stay connected

These opportunities for socialization will be more important for some than others but certainly very important none the less!

We were so thankful the other day when we got “egg’d” by sweet friends who packed Easter eggs, sanitized them and hid them in our yard. What a sweet and welcome surprise!

Something to look forward to:

This will end at some point and while we don’t know exactly when, it’s been extremely beneficial for my kids to have something to look forward to whether it’s a daily thing, weekly or something that would occur after this is over. So far we’ve done a lot of family movie nights. For our family, it’s always a struggle to find a movie everyone actually wants to watch. Anyone else? What my 10-year-old daughter wants to and is allowed to watch can be very different from what my 15-year-old son wants to watch. We drew names last week and for five nights in a row, each family member got to choose an appropriate movie and no one else could argue with it. This was five nights of bliss with no arguing over what to watch! What was my choice? Apple Dumpling Gang! Anyone else remember this movie from way back when? I watched that movie countless times growing up and while I’ll admit my kids did grumble over having to watch such an “old” movie, they admitted it was actually pretty good. It got me thinking of other things I enjoyed as a kid that I’ve just never introduced them to, so I’m going to be better about that.

We’re incorporating things our kids can look forward to either daily and/or weekly and that has instilled some excitement into the house and alleviated a bit of boredom. I need to come up with some better ideas but so far it’s been yet another family movie night, family game night, taking the bikes to a local park, going on a family walk, getting on the trampoline (parents included), make your own pizza night, making a family TikTok, family adventure night (create a fort out of blankets or boxes, make a maze, make a scavenger hunt through the house or neighborhood), making cards to send to family, coming up with random acts of kindness etc. Some more extended ideas are teaching the kids how to sew using an actual sewing machine or just how to sew on a button using a needle and thread, teaching them how to cook something and bake something, read a book aloud as a family, have a spa night (at home pedicure, paint nails, do face masks). Please share more ideas with me!

Exercise & Lots of outside time:

One of the glaring things missing most right now for kids is their sports and activities. Kids are used to going to practices during the week and getting some pent-up energy out of their systems. This isn’t happening now so it’s extremely important to provide opportunities for exercise. Kids with their never-ending energy need to be able to expend it. Thankfully, the weather is changing where we live so outside time has been priceless. Go on a walk, a run, a bike ride, jump on the trampoline, set up a workout circuit/PE class where kids can go through different exercises. This one is super simple and one you can do with them. Come up with several body weight exercises and have them do each one for 30 seconds and then rest for 30 seconds. These could be squats, sprints, burpees, lunges, jumping jacks, pushups, high knees, butt kicks, etc. Schedule this into their day and the outcome is happier and less stressed kiddos!

Compassion, love and understanding:

Recognize these times are hard! Everything on social media right now seems to be all the fun and creative ways people are spending their time. Few people, however, are documenting how hard this is. The tears and frustration and just plain too much time at home. Don’t undermine or forget about that. It’s totally normal and new boundaries have probably needed to be set. When kids bounce up against boundaries, they want to revolt, disobey, retreat, cry, stomp, throw a fit or retaliate. These times are hard! Tell them you recognize this and show them compassion. We are all going to need a lot of grace right now. Like, a lot of grace! And hugs…lots of hugs! Thankfully, they will come to an end and it’s my hope that we will all be more compassionate, understanding and certainly able to appreciate things more.

Whew, that was a lot and if you made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope what I’ve learned from my own family and friends can be some sort of help for you too. Stay safe and stay healthy! Please share your ideas for keeping kids entertained!